What's that coming over the hill? If you guessed more monster guts, you would be correct.

 

Before we take to rummaging around underground and hassling monsters, it's time to get yer pink acid boots on! Here's something a bit reminiscent of the mission briefing screens from Alien Trilogy. No disco dancing xenomorphs here, though; probably just as well. Much as I enjoy revisiting older games, there are some of them that are just a sod to play nowadays and Alien Trilogy probably wouldn't feel too sleek in 2026, especially with a mk 1 Sega Saturn controller (loving the stocky design, but it is a fucking torture device to work with.) The soundtrack still holds up really well though; if you want a tasty slab of moody '90s sci-fi energy, it's a treat.

 Now onto the point of this post, starting with the thunderously unpleasant bottom of a lift shaft, riddled with monster guts and some decidedly rank water. Clear indicators of a Crunchy Creature habitat. Let's investigate...

Here they are, the stars of the show! These two look to be having a grand ol' time there.

 And the inevitable next step in the evening, staggering through town in search of a kebab.

Now for a bit of peace, with some moody rubble and a smattering of monster guts for good measure.

 A creature lurking in the shadows, which I was all ready to sneak up on but turns out it was a Spitty Fucker and things kicked off. Say what you want about these grotty creatures but at least they can set aside their differences and co-operate with each other, marauding around in the darkness.

 

Sneaking around in this industrial area, and we've stumbled upon another soirée 'ere - get a load of this crunchy bunch! They're quite the bloody socialites in these parts!

Scoping out this area before jumping down, because I remember there's a Spitty Fucker down there, but can never actually remember where it jumps out from, and chaos ensues. On this occasion, chaos did not ensue, because I was able to pre-empt the bugger and launch it at some spikes, all crisp and professional. Careful planning and investigation also turned up this creature hiding in the wall, among some monster guts - very demure, very mindful.

 This cheeky bastard here, givin' it the calendar pose - considering its lack of any discernible facial features, it looks surprisingly sassy!

 This cave 'ere. Haven't got anything in particular to say about it, I just like caves. (Poole's Cavern is bangin', well worth a visit if you're ever in Derbyshire.)

 And an impromptu punch-up; turns out some of those monsters are quite good at being sneaky themselves. Although, to be fair, the bar is basically buried underground given that, with the best will in the world, Jacob makes this big fuss about needing to be *very quiet*, then proceeds to make a fucking apocalyptic amount of noise while he's 'quietly' killing monsters - there's thumping, crashing, growling, the whole nine yards! (Personally, I find that amusing and kind of adorable but stealthy? Not particularly.)

 

More caves, with contrasting colours and vibes. The left-hand side is a bit cleaner, marginally more prim, proper and civilised, but still with an ominous vibe, an aura of mystery! The right-hand side, meanwhile is covered in monster guts, but hey, at least you know what you're in for down there. (As it is, the tidier tunnel on the left leads to the stairs, out of this area, and that's where we need to go to progress, so into the land of mystery, and the suspicious absence of gory mess, we must go.)

 And to close, what else but some more crunchy creatures. The way the light fades in and out here is genuinely unsettling, as you'll be making your way towards the monsters, only to have the light fade at an inopportune moment and be left with no idea where they are, and where they're heading on their chaotic, weaving way.

 

Now that we've investigated these noisy creatures (incidentally, a while back, I found an article that referred to them as 'audiophages', and the mental image of monster jammin' with their headphones on it just too precious), it's time to get on with the million other things that need doing in the day. Stay safe out there, everyone.