The Demon Tree Rides Out, planet-shaming and more monster guts

 

Continuing the theme from yesterday's post, I've also returned to the comfy slippers of The Callisto Protocol, to balance carefully evading monsters in the North Sea with kicking the fuck out of them on one of Jupiter's Galilean moons. This is another one of my desert island games that isn't on GOG yet so if you are inclined, do please go vote for it and maybe yell about it as well, even if it's literally just "Get this released so that fucking loon Giglamps will stop chivvying all and sundry about it" - I would be very appreciative! And look, not getting into video game discourse, but the sooner I can completely divest from the Playstation ecosystem, the fucking better at this point.

Anyway, back on message for keeping it light here: I got a hankering to come back for another stomp about after a conversation regarding Jupiter and its main moons getting a bad rap in works of fiction, sometimes non-fiction as well, although if you ask me, Venus is the scariest bastard in this solar system.

So, where does The Callisto Protocol rank on the scale of Jupiter-shaming? Well, Jupiter itself seems to get some well-deserved love and appreciation, which is good to see. Io isn't really discussed, barring a little mention in the inventory description of the Skunk Gun, and I do wonder if that's a joke about the sulphrous atmosphere, which probably pongs a bit, or a weed gag - either way, it amuses me. Ganymede, again, doesn't get much attention, but digging in the character bios, we find that Elias is from there, and he is a delight. Slap-bang at the start of proceedings, a massacre takes place on Europa, which, obviously, is very tragic and quite poor treatment of the moon in question (and the people who live there), but not strictly shaming it. As for poor Callisto, it gets an absolute fuckin' shellacking and well, I guess the moon's way of advocating for itself is to let loose the existentially destructive primordial pathogen of hell. Honestly, I get it. When people are being cruel and it feels like noone's in your corner, then sometimes you might get a bit undiplomatic with trying to state your case - we've all been there!

Other examples that came up during this chat: 2001: A Space Odyssey - Jupiter's getting fuckin' shamed there (or at least that's what I remember from reading the book sometime in the 2010s.) Also POD reportedly labels Io as a "Planet of Death" after some poisonous mold, and all hell, breaks loose (I really want to play it sometime; there's always room in my heart for more retro racing games.) A few astronomy books out there describe Jupiter as an absolute fucking hooligan, lobbing shit around the solar system (to balance the books, it is thought to have prevented a few potential asteroid collisions with planet Earth, so really, we should be a bit warmer towards our stripy friend!)

 Look upon this lovey, what a charmer. (Also, fun fact: At one point in history, the Great Red Spot, as observed by astronomers, was shaped like a fish.)

And of course: Metal Black. Absolute gem of a game, deserves far more appreciation than it receives. Here, the Nemesis came to our pretty little planet after an ominous star appears near Jupiter, launching a load of asteroids in our direction. They go deep into the planet-shaming here - Jupiter isn't even the homeworld of the Nemesis, it's Mercury! Bloody hell! That's two planets getting a load of grief! John is none the wiser to this, so we spend the game with him working on false information and the main event comes towards the end, where a lovingly rendered Jupiter and its main moons pass by just before the final boss - with an appropriately long time spent tootling by Callisto, before zipping through a wormhole to kick off at a psychedelic space jellyfish. And at one point there's a cat with weird eyes, surrounded by HR Giger-esque machinery. Really, what more could you ask for in life?

Also, something else that just jumped into my head (I mean the title of this blog does mention rambles), coming back to the mysterious path that leads us to the Demon Tree of Kerridge Road; on the stretch of canal near the Puss In Boots (a lovely pub offering excellent scran, no viscera involved, highly recommended), there was at one point some unknown effort in the water, circa 2015. Wasn't sure what it was at first, but it did look distinctly like monster guts - some horrid thing with bloody-looking streaks and dense, dark knots on it, silently and ominously advancing towards the bridge. Well, turns out it was a bit of a tree that had been torn off in a storm and fuck knows where the red streaks came from, but for a moment, there could have been monster guts in the local area. Something to think about.

Anyway: back on topic. Have I rustled up those pictures from the shipwreck yet? No. Have I been taking more pictures that are going to make it harder to find the ones I intended to put up last year? Absolutely! Let's have a gander...

 You really have to appreciate the commitment here; there are even robots with monster guts on them! (Also, as someone who is generally swaggering around the spooky video games like "It'll take more than that to scare me!", the harsh metallic growling on these geezers is legitimately unnerving.)

 

Also: dramatic crags and scarps (frankly, they are essential.)

It's not this bit specifically but in one of the hospital areas, Jacob enlightens us, remarking that some bad things have happened there. Not to get off on yet another tangent but in terms of grumpy gumshoes in spooky video games, Sebastian Castellanos and Charles Reed might just have a bit of competition, what with the absolute detective credentials on our man 'ere.

 

It's not a contest or owt but I think we've achieved peak monster guts 'ere (also Blogger's post editor is being a colossal cunt again, and I have had no sleep and am deeply, properly, existentially short on patience for that kind of nonsense at the minute.)

On that note, it remains for me to say: Stay safe out there, and keep a vigilant eye out for fleshy messes. (Also, any further examples of flagrant Jupiter-shaming in fiction, by all means, get in touch. Or in the interest of balance, is there any other media where Jupiter gets some more positive press? I'm kind of tempted to gather these examples together in some kind of database.)